Never Trust a Sicilian (or a Ferengi): THE NAGUS (1.10)

The Godfather meets The Merchant of Venice meets West Side Story meets … the inconceivably talented Wallace Shawn. But first, we need to address the golem in the room: just how problematic are the Ferengi?

🍷 Wine pairing: Paolo Scavino Barolo

❤️ Find us on Instagram: @deepspacewine_podcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro: We need to talk about the Ferengi
• 17:06 The wine pairing
• 22:59 Episode recap
• 1:28:37 Final thoughts (and Fashion Watch!)

Transcript

1-10 The Nagus

Cole: [00:00:00] One producer said , yeah, spent 25 minutes explaining to me all the sexual positions the Ferengi could go through, and finally I said, Gene, this is a family show on at 7pm.

And Gene's like, Oh, you're right. 

Lily: Hi everyone, I'm Lily Rossen. And I'm Cole Paulson. And welcome to Deep Space Wine, a podcast that attempts to recap and decode every episode of Deep Space Nine, the forgotten stepchild of the Star Trek universe. Each episode we'll share a bottle of wine, wind down, and then wind ourselves up again with our strong opinions about DS9.

Because in our social experience there is nothing people love more than when someone talks at length about Star Trek or wine. 

Cole: Or Tube Grubs. Oh my god. Or Huperian Beetle Snuff. Oooooh! Or having lobes for profit. Ha! Or Hu mons. [00:01:00] Mmm, 

Lily: I love all of those things. I 

Cole: mean, maybe we're just gonna talk about Hu mons.

Are we? This whole episode, are we? Is that what we're gonna talk 

Lily: about? Ha! 

Cole: So begin the, highly contentious and polarizing Ferengi episodes. Episode 10, 

Lily: the Nagus. 

Cole: okay these episodes are, they're very controversial in the fandom.

Even , the producers are like, you know, a lot of people hate these, but a lot of people love them. And even I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how 

Lily: I feel. I'm hoping this episode will tell me how to feel. Tell me how to 

Cole: feel! So the Ferengi made the most unexpected comeback in Star Trek.

Yes. They originally debuted with the beginning of Next Generation. Absolutely pitiful. They were meant to be like the next big nemesis since the Klingons. And they were just universally agreed to be a disaster. I 

Lily: mean, they were ridiculous. They were sort of straight out of the 60s.

Cole: So They were lovingly crafted by Gene Roddenberry himself. Sure. That explains it. Yeah, the guys always had questionable taste. [00:02:00] But then these Ferengi have stuck around. Yeah. To the point where they get their own Ferengi episodes where it's just a huge Ferengi party at least once a season on DS9.

At least. 

Lily: And I think we've learned that season one, gives a lot of airtime to Quark. 

Cole: Oh my gosh, right? 

Lily: I feel 

Cole: like he gets more airtime than Sisko. Sure. Yeah, Armin Shimerman, of course, the actor who plays Quark, takes his role as this sort of face of Ferengi's very seriously.

, he says, hey, whatever success we had on this episode of the Nagus convinced the producers that we can have purely comic episodes and the audience wouldn't abandon us. There are probably many people who grimace when they see there's going to be a Ferengi episode, but I think there are even more who are looking forward to the comic episodes.

Lily: Yeah. I don't mind the Ferengi episodes. I'd much rather a Ferengi episode than a Bajoran episode, that's for sure. That's a 

Cole: good point. I love me some Ferengis. I love Nog and Rom and Grand Nagus Zek, but when I see ones coming up question is Am I nervous because it's too much of a good thing, or is it [00:03:00] actually that the thing is terrible?

Maybe we'll call him A, we'll call him B. Yeah. so, Shimmerman, sees the Ferengi as downright Shakespearean. He says Shakespeare has taught us that whenever there's a drama or history like Henry V, there needs to be a comic character like Falstaff to lighten things up. But he also sees the Ferengis so much more than farce. I 

Lily: think he's right. Totally. I think there are 

Cole: depths. I mean, there's clear satire, there's clear social commentary happening. Which is why I do think we need to ask the critical question before we really get into this episode.

Who or what is the target of all this satire? Let's, 

Lily: get to the anti Semitism of it all, 

Cole: shall we? I don't think that's 

Lily: controversial 

Cole: to say. All right, so thought I might just walk us through some of the different interpretations who these Ferengi might just be. They are famously said to represent century humans.

Right? They're just us. Robert Hewitt Wolfe, who's a writer on DS9, says, That's the gag. The [00:04:00] Ferengis are humans. And they're more humans than the Starfleet officers because they're so screwed up and they're so dysfunctional. Greed. 

Lily: Avarice. 

Cole: That's us, girl! love! You and me! Ira Stephen Behr, he wrote this episode and he sort of unwittingly became man behind the Ferengi, because he ended up writing all the episodes after this.

Yeah! 

Lily: I don't think I realized that this episode introduced all the lore about Ferengi. Exactly! sort of think that the rules of acquisition existed before this episode, but this is when 

Cole: they introduced it. It's all here. This is the grand debut of Ferengi culture writ large.

yeah, so Behr loves to call Ferengi 20th century humans. And he's quite an apologist for Ferengi. He says, they have the energy of 20th century humans, they have the drive, they have the greed, they have the sense of self that we do.

And like us, they're constantly rising above their limitations. And what more can you ask from anyone? Are they constantly 

Lily: rising above their limitations? 

Cole: yeah, Shimmerman sees them as also he says, well, by pointing out modern day humanity's [00:05:00] shortcomings, its nastier sides and greedier sides, it helps us learn to see that ugliness and perhaps learn how to eschew it in our lives.

Okay, 

Lily: so, don't do what I do. Is that what he's saying? 

Lily: I mean, sure, we're all stuck in this late 70s. 

Cole: I mean, the Ferengi are late stage capitalists, aren't they? 

Lily: Yeah, I think I found somewhere that called it late, late, late, late stage capitalism.

Cole: I actually love that. 

Lily: And that's how I've kind of been thinking about this episode. But I mean, it's undeniable the, The connotations of anti Semitic representation. Yeah. So you can protest as much as you want, but. 

Cole: Let me keep walking you along on who the Ferengi might be before we leap to conclusion.

Alright alright. Before we leap to conclusion. Context me, baby. to any conclusions yet. Alright. Alright. I mean, are they really about American capitalism? Star Trek often has an issue of conflating humanity with America. Sure. We've discussed that on the show before.

, I think in the past decade, Americans have become their own self parody [00:06:00] by electing a business magnate to president. Yeah. I think there's some interesting comparisons between Grand Nagus Zek and Donald Trump. Or you could look at the naming patterns of the Ferengi and maybe see some South Asian influence.

Okay. Did you know that comes from the Persian and Hindi word for foreigner? I didn't. So, actually, whenever I'm in India and someone calls me a foreigner and calls me a Fereng, I have to not nerd out. I'm like, oh my god, do you like Star Trek? So amazing. And um, Nag and Ram, I'm pretty sure their names derive from Sanskrit 

 do you happen to know what Naga means? 

Lily: Carl, look at me. 

Cole: I do not. Let me give you some clues. Nini from Harry Potter. Snake. Yes. Great. Also Ricky Tiki Tavi has two snakes named No. And Nini. Oh. So Nag means Snake and Rahm, or Rama is a major Hindu deity. the [00:07:00] center of this famous epic, the Ramayana, that's one of the most revered texts in Sanskrit.

Okay. And a minor segue, but very quickly. This is fun. The broad strokes of the Ramayana see Ram exiled for years, marrying his wife Sita, and then making a triumphant return and being crowned king of his homeland. Wow. 

Lily: Spoilers, much? Total, you know, total 

Cole: segway, total segway. Spoilers. 

I 

Lily: do get a bit of a kick out of what the next Ferengi name will be. Because whatever one syllable name their name is, more hilarious 

Cole: than the last.

Nagus, incidentally, is an Ethiopian term for leader or king. Ah. Wow. But okay. Go DS9. Lily, we're getting closer to the real question here. 

Lily: Let's rewind. You did warn me this episode would be top heavy. I 

Cole: warned you. I'm getting there. Okay. I did some research about when Gene Roddenberry created the Ferengi.

 He wanted a new nemesis that was still [00:08:00] timely in the context of the show. So The 60s had this Cold War influence, and so the Klingons and the Romulans were sort of U. S. S. R. And apparently, in the 80s, there was this idea that America's financial sector was full of greedy barbarians, and they wanted to turn that into an alien enemy.

 And Rob Bowman, who is a director of TNG Season 1, says, Yeah, the Ferengi sprung from the stereotype of agents and lawyers being cutthroat, greedy and wanting only money. Sure. Everyone hates lawyers. 

How many how many agents in Hollywood are Jewish? yeah. 

Lily: I mean, this is the thing. You can protest all you want, but you're still describing Jewish stereotypes. 

Cole: Yeah. , so Roddenberry's description of the race, he says they are connivers and manipulators. They have prodigious sexual appetites. That is true.

They consider themselves too civilized to employ a brute force, except when they can label [00:09:00] it cleverness. Hmm. Sure. the original casting call for these Ferengi were short character actors.

Oh dear lord. Of nearly all the Ferengi. Call it what it is, folks. Of nearly all the Ferengi actors, including Quark, who played the very first Ferengi, and Rom, who also played a next generation Ferengi. Yeah. And Wallace Shawn, who plays Nagus, are all Jewish actors. Yep. and so it's looking more and more difficult to, to spin this thing out.

It's not 

Lily: looking good. And you know, I like to shock you. I did some reading on this episode. Tell me. And you just can't actually find anything. by the writers or producers acknowledging this. Isn't that nuts? It's crazy. Just acknowledge 

Cole: it. I think there's always that discussion of Intentionality. The goblins in Harry Potter. Is J. K. Rowling anti Semitic or is she borrowing from centuries of this idea of money lenders [00:10:00] being short with hook noses and that's the most direct antecedent of this stereotype, right?

And so how directly are we going to point the finger at any creative forces behind the Ferengi? Or is it just this culture of horrible tropes that have been built up century after century? Is racism okay?

Lily: No, I see what you're saying. I just think it's pretty on the nose. 

Cole: On the on the lobe, if you will. 

Lily: Can I say that? 

So what,, I did read something about how, the Ferengi, design, the character design, greatly resembles anti Semitic Nazi propaganda.

 What? Yeah. So like the crazy Ferengi teeth, this was something that really featured in Nazi propaganda. yeah, the short stature, and then the prominent Facial features. So in this case, it's the ears, but obviously propaganda, it was the depiction of the large hooked nose, but also sort of the large features as well.

Cole: Yeah. Play something into it. The early [00:11:00] designs of the Ferengi had big pointy ears and a huge chin. Oh God. Right? 

Lily: It's just, the more you tell me, I just, yeah, I don't know. 

Cole: Yeah, no, the more I dug, I was like, oh no, it's there. Is there something in the ugly anti semitic trope about sexual libidos?

Lily: Yeah, so I think this was also part of Nazi propaganda, but I'm sure historically it goes back hundreds and hundreds of years of the Jewish men trying to, you know, Abuse. The Gentile women. Yeah. As sort of a threat. 

Cole: I mean, okay, we knew Gene Roddenberry is kind of a weirdo, but in his very, from the beginning depiction he wanted them to have a sex fetish.

Yeah. And he also originally wanted them to be very well endowed. to apparently have them wear these gigantic cod pieces and this other producer says, yeah, Gene spent 25 minutes explaining to me all the sexual positions the Ferengi could go through, and finally I said, Gene, this is a family show on at 7pm.

And Gene's [00:12:00] like, Oh, you're right. 

Lily: Have the, I don't know, dementia set in? I don't know what happened to him, but I'm assuming some kind of cognitive decline by 

Cole: the 80s. 

So I was trying to track down if any behind the scenes people have acknowledged this, I found one quote from Armin Shimerman.

 He's been asked about it. He says, in America, people ask, are the Ferengi Jewish? In England, they ask, are the Ferengi the Irish? In Australia, they ask, are the Ferengi the Chinese? The Ferengi To me represent the outcast. It's the person who lives among us that we don't fully understand. 

Lily: Let me think about this. Let me respond to that, roughly. I think I, can see that in the depiction of the story between Jake and Nog, and I obviously that's why the B story is quite important in this episode. But that's the tension there. That I don't know if that can totally excuse the fact that the Ferengi are given a whole bunch of negative [00:13:00] tropes.

Really negative tropes. 

Cole: I mean And not original. No! tropes have been around for a while, and they've been ugly, and they've been used to slander certain groups. Yeah like, 

Lily: I don't want to say the Codpieces would have been great, but that would have been something different. 

Cole: Would have been different.

I totally agree with you. I think for this episode, it's interesting, which is why I am finally ready to transition to discussing this episode then, I 

Lily: guess. Okay. But are you ready to drink some wine? Oh, let's do it. Oh, just quickly. I was coming up with names for this episode. Cause I like to do that.

Cole: That's great. 

Lily: I just wrote anti semitism. Feel free to use 

Cole: these. Colon, the episode. Alright, under consideration. 

Lily: And then I also was thinking about the bee story, and I was like should it be Jakio and Nogulet or Nogio and Jakiet? Yes! 

Cole: I so clocked that too. I mean, I didn't get to that level in my notes, but I've definitely got some Romeo and Juliet going on.

Lily: I think there was [00:14:00] something else you wanted to talk about as well before I launch into my wine. 

Cole: Hmm, Yes. Well, indeed, whatever the Ferengi represent over the whole series and in the Star Trek universe, they very intentionally are meant to be something specific in this episode. And that is the Mafia and Italians and Italian Americans.

It's because this episode is a very deliberate homage to the Godfather. Yeah, it is. Right? And the idea to make this a Godfather thing came all the way from the top. Rick Berman suggested it, and apparently everyone behind the scenes just went nuts for it. There's a lot of Godfather superfans who just took this idea and ran with it this episode.

Lily: People love the Godfather. Right. Do you love the Godfather? 

Cole: I've seen it once. I don't think mob movies are necessarily in my cup of tea, full disclosure. You? 

Lily: Let me think about how I answer this before you all come at me. Yeah, 

Cole: I know, right? It's dangerous. 

Lily: I think I can appreciate it as a piece of art.

I think, you know, you can say Francis Ford Coppola knows his shit, [00:15:00] knows what he's doing. I think it's undeniable the influence and the impact it's had on American film. Definitely. American culture. Definitely. You know, I sort of feel about it the same way I feel about Scorsese films. I enjoy it. Do I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to cinema? 

Cole: I mean, that would be the Muppets Christmas Carol. It would!

Yeah, no, I felt a little daunted as someone who is not a Godfather superfan trying to draw links. mean, I looked at the plot. And I saw that this episode follows a lot of similar beats. Someone inherits the reins of a powerful crime syndicate, and that triggers assassination attempts and faint deaths and threats and dubious loyalties.

there's a scene that is very lovingly recreated on this shot for shot later on. but I did want to try to go below the surface. And so I called up my good friend Joe Larkin, a professor of biology and physics, Star Trek appreciator, and massive Godfather aficionado. Who else would you call? Me. He was my lifeline for this.

and he [00:16:00] talked about how a huge theme of The Godfather is the immigrant experience. it's about being shut out of establishment, wealth, and power, dealing with mistrust and prejudice, figuring out how to succeed on your own terms, maintaining cultural ties to the old country while striving for assimilation and legitimacy in the new one.

And that suddenly made this whole episode pop for me. I yeah. So suddenly seeing Quark and his family as immigrants on DS9 just transformed this thing for me. And suddenly the A and the B plots dovetailed in this amazing way. And had this appreciation for this episode I never did before.

 , for me, I decided that the heart of the episode is Raman Oh, absolutely. I mean, are they the heart of the whole series? Right? J. Q. and Nogulet. J. Q. and Nogulet.

Raman Nog are easily the two most dynamic characters in the whole series. I mean, they change the most. And I think it starts here with this episode. So, I'm ready [00:17:00] for it. I'm ready too. I mean I'm also ready for some wine. Y'all ready for this? I now give you permission for the wine. 

Lily: Alright, so we, we both did a bit of reading on this episode. I did notice the Godfather theme. And then I, decided to see what the internet thinks about wine in The Godfather. and I went down that track.

Excellent. So, I, if you know the Godfather uh, whiskey is for business, red wine is for family, and white wine is for parties, and throughout the films, this gets established and confirmed. 

Cole: I mean, I'm already fascinated that there's a distinction between business and family.

Lily: Yeah. So, Business is for men, men drink whiskey, they drink brown spirits. Sure. But yeah, I think in the, sort of in the wedding scenes and Yeah, yeah. They're sort of drinking big flaggons of red wine and things like that. So Lily, what are we? Well, since we're in the family, 

Cole: we're 

Lily: on the red. Yeah, so apparently all the wine in the film, you can't see the labels, but they're in Bordeaux style bottles.

Amazing. so people theorize that it could be a few different things. that it could be a Nero d'Avolo, or a Dolcetta, [00:18:00] which we've had a Dolcetta um, but some people thought that it was Barolo, and that's when I stopped reading and I decided we were going to drink Barolo, because it's Barolo 

Cole: night.

I haven't even heard of it, so I'm ready. Barolo, great! 

Lily: so Barole is considered one of Italy's greatest wines.

Great. This is quite well. It's consensus. There's, not that much consensus in the wine world. Yeah. You know, this is something people like. it's from Piedmont, which is in Northern Italy.

So it's a cooler climate. and Barolo is always a hundred percent Nebbiolo grape. 

Cole: Yep. I have heard of that grape. 

Lily: It's the type of grape. Yeah. You've probably had a Nebbiolo before. if you're interested, to do some research, I recommend looking up the Barolo Wars.

So this was in the 1970s and 80s and it was between traditionalists and modernists about how to do Barolo. And this is a theme in the wine world. Were there deaths? No, I mean, I think there's just, people are always going to be arguing about the most traditional way to do something. even though.

Like anything, things change and move and 

Cole: climate changes. Arguments over tradition. Exactly. [00:19:00] Man, sadly listeners can't see every time tonight I'm going to do that Italian, um, chef's kiss sign. Just imagine us. 

Lily: Always doing it. Yeah, 

Cole: exactly. If last week was Clon Pigs. This 

one 

Lily: is 

Cole: what do you even call it?

it meta that we're being offensive to Italians as we discuss immigrant prejudice? Great. 

Lily: So yes, Barolo, it's a deeply concentrated full bodied wine with pronounced tannins and acidity. And it's known for its rose and tar notes. Tar. 

Cole: Tar and rose. As in to seal cracks in pavement. Yeah. I've always wanted to gulp it down on a summer's eve.

Sure, you're only human. 

Lily: yeah, Barolo, it has to be aged for three years before release and it's a wine that ages really well. So we will be drinking this much sooner than is recommended. I think I looked it up, they recommend drinking this in 2026 or something. But let's not do that. I can't wait that long, please.

Actually, I already opened it because I wanted it to breathe. 

Cole: Great. So, what the heck? I mean, ain't [00:20:00] nobody got time, we don't even know if we're going to be around in 2026. YOLO. 

Lily: YOLO indeed. YOLO Barolo? Yes! 

Cole: It's right there. Ugh, it's this 

Lily: synergy, it's happening. It's happening right now. so this is, Paolo Schiavino, 2018 I actually have had this before. So, you know, 

Cole: you love that tar, bring it on. Love 

Lily: it. So the producers are fourth generation winemakers. Scavino and his two daughters, and they're very well respected in the wine community and in the Barola community.

 With this wine I have some tasting notes, from Karen O'Keefe, who is a wine critic who specializes in Italian wines and she also is an English lit major.

Lily: So her writing is like very beautiful. So she says nose. you get woodland berry. Blue flower and wild mint aromas. It is focused and linear with a vibrant palette, which delivers juicy pomegranate, spiced cranberry, star anise and menthol alongside tightly [00:21:00] wound, fine grained may we be focused and linear as our wine this evening? Yeah, 

I thought you might ask what a linear wine is. Ha 

Cole: ha Ha, I'm getting so predictable. 

Lily: do you, are you 

interested in that? Yeah, please. Hang on, let me pour some wine. 

Cole: Yeah, if we can discuss this over some Barolo.

Lily: Yeah, I got the red wine glasses out, so we're sort of like drinking a bowl of red wine. I'm 

Cole: not opposed. We're doing Hot tar. salute.

Those two red wine glasses are like the bells of St. Peter's. 

Lily: Linear wine, focused in linear. 

Cole: Yes. That was a good example of us staying focused in linear in our conversation. 

Lily: So I think it can, be both a positive and a pejorative descriptor for wine.

 if something is boring, it could be called linear. But when it's used for positive affect, it's that the wine is doing what it's supposed to. Sure. 

Cole: It's on a [00:22:00] mission and it delivers. Exactly. Yeah. 

Lily: Yep. And that yeah, I think wines can be non linear, so you can get something interesting in the middle and then it dives off into something else.

And I think we've definitely had wines like that where, yeah, 

Cole: where the gulp sort of takes you on a journey. It's 

Lily: crazy. And then you get something at the front and something totally different at the back. Whereas this, you get it all. In one. This is 

Cole: consistent. It's consistent.

Yep. Okay, linear focused and linear. I was ready to mock that term Yeah, 

Lily: but I think it's kind of beautiful and it is when an English lit major tells you something 

Cole: What do you do with the BA in English? You 

Lily: become an expert in Italian wine varietals 

Cole: yeah, 

Do you have a I do.

Lily: Well, obviously you become a chef, and then And then Have a podcast 

Cole: about Deep Space Nine. You finally, you find your true calling, which is intertextual analyses of Deep Space Nine episodes. Are we ready for it? ready. 

Lily: All right, the Nagus. [00:23:00] the airlock opens to a sinister Ferengi. and he's beckoning to a Lurch type creature and a mysterious cloaked figure, The Star Wars Emperor. Yes, exactly. But he has a really extra, gold Ferengi faced walking stick thing, so we're in prop watch right off the bat.

Right. It's great. Then we cut straight to our B story. I just 

Cole: noticed, sorry, the props in here. Excuse me, I just noticed something I hadn't seen 

Lily: before. Great, Great. So we cut straight to our B story which is Jake Sisko and he has his baseball glove on his bed and also some Game Boy games 

Cole: that was my squawk, the very first thing you see is Jake and his baseball mitt. Yeah. 

Lily: I love that. They set it up straight away. 

Cole: Also, his hands are full of pads or tablets. Yeah, 

Lily: Game Boy games. 

Cole: It's my personal favorite thing about Star Trek's vision of the future. They knew that books would be on tablets, but they thought that you'd still need a different tablet.

Because you always see people dealing with stacks of pads. 

Lily: So [00:24:00] Jake is in a hurry for something, but he's forgotten to put on his riding boots.

So he grabs them out from under his bed. 

 in comes Jake's tone deaf father, who doesn't realize that teenagers don't want to hang out with their parents. Aww. and Sisko has organized a little father son holiday to Bajor for the Gratitude Festival, the biggest holiday of the year, and I can't wait for the episode about this in Season 4.

Lily: yeah 

Cole: Season 

Lily: 3, . Ah, Season 3. Apologies. 

Cole: Isn't that some lovely continuity? Great. 

Lily: I love it. So it's to go for the Gratitude Festival but also to check out the Fire Caverns. Woo! Woah, 

Cole: an even bigger easter egg. Mmm 

Lily: But Jake rejects Sisko, claiming that 3 days is way too long to spend together. and on a side note, the kid downs a lot of orange juice in this episode.

and this was the 90s before we knew that orange juice wasn't 

Cole: a health food. Well, there's a lot of breakfast consumption, which I think is the quintessential domestic scene. It is. 

Lily: The kid hurrying to eat the whatever. 

Cole: Hurrying out, stuffing his breakfast, not being grateful. My mom, I love you [00:25:00] mom, she made me breakfast every morning. was classic, she was annoyed as heck with me because I had maybe three minutes to wolf it down. 

Lily: See, no, breakfast was like, you sort yourself out, and if you don't, then you're hungry.

Cole: Breakfast was the only way to lure me out of bed in time to get to school. 

Lily: Yeah, you are not a morning person. Nope. 

so it turns out Jake doesn't want to with his dad because he and Nog want to check out an Andorian freighter, which is docking at the station.

And wow, that is a pretty mean thing to not want to hang out with your dad for. But anyway Sisko explicitly asked him, do you prefer me or Nog, setting himself up for rejection. 

Cole: Oh, man, it hit me when He says well you want to hang out with Nog and Jake just says Nog's my friend Instantly you've got this familial obligation question family bonds versus where your heart might 

Lily: be pulling you. But I mean it is a very natural part of development, to start to pull away from your family and create your own connections with friends as a 

Cole: young adult.

Individuation is what our side friends call it. Heartbreaking. But 

Lily: normal. 

Cole: Yes. 

Lily: then we're at Quark's and [00:26:00] a beautiful Bajoran lady in purple is being condescended to by Quark and it turns out Rom had found her purse and returned it to her. Setting up some things about Rom's character for later on in the series.

Number one, he is super into Bajoran women. And number two, he doesn't seem to have the immediate same Ferengi tendencies as Quark. Or does he? 

Cole: So finally, the Rom we all know and love is here. We've seen him once before, but it is very, it's a mischaracterization. It is. So we get the Rom we know and love, and Here he is trying to be a good Ferengi and failing, helping a woman out with her lost purse, not stealing 

Lily: the money from it, at 

Cole: least, and violating the very first rule of acquisition.

Lily: And that first rule of acquisition is, once you have their money, 

Cole: you never give it back. 

Lily: you know, we're all human. We know that one. 

Cole: I actually love the rules of acquisition. They're amazing. And Iris Stephen Behr he actually has published the full set.

Yeah. 

Lily: No, I know. I actually bought it for [00:27:00] my boyfriend as a Christmas gift. Oh, yeah. That's amazing. You really identified. With Reky. He owns a bar. 

Cole: yeah, he's a bar owner. Let me float this anecdote by you. even my dad is tickled by the Reky. He's an accountant and he actually printed out a rule of acquisition and hung it up in his accountant's office.

Wow. Over his desk. And that rule was a wife is a luxury, a good accountant, a necessity. 

Lily: has shocked silence. You can't see my face, but I am not doing Italian hand gestures. I'm doing wide open mouth shock. 

Cole: In hindsight, I shouldn't have allowed that to happen. My mom and I laugh because my dad does worship her like the queen of the house and it's absurd for him to say that, but how about his clients coming in?

They don't know that. 

Lily: Well he's playing into the stereotype about accountants. Yes, 

Cole: but like again, if you're gonna be a self parody you have to tell people that. Nope, 

Lily: confirmation bias.[00:28:00] So yeah, the rules of acquisition. This is our introduction and it's pretty 

Cole: good. Yeah, and Quark treating his brother like crap. Yes. Saying that if he catches Rom doing something like that again, he'll throw him out the 

Lily: airlock. Which is some foreshadowing. And he also tasks Rom with polishing all the rails in the bar, which is a job I believe I had previously flagged as terrible.

Confirmation, it is terrible. It's good continuity. Yeah. And then Nog is also in the bar and he's working on a cute science experiment, and Rom passes on the abuse to his son. And isn't that 

Cole: So Rom's not the worst Ferengi, because that's actually a pretty great capitalist move to pass the buck down to someone beneath you and have them do the work.

Sure. I kind 

Lily: of just saw it as punching down. But sure, yeah, it's delegation. That's capitalism, 

Cole: baby. 

Lily: It is. 

Prop watch! my god! 

Cole: Or, set dressing watch? This is my favorite still shot from the whole episode. Oh my god, let Tell me everything.

So we're back out on the promenade, and there is this gigantic alien fish skeleton just hanging in the promenade. And [00:29:00] I love it. And what is it? There's just no explanation. You just see it hang in there 

Lily: sometimes. Is it one of the sentient space sea creatures that someone has harpooned?

Cole: Oh no! Oh, 

Lily: that's dark. We know there's lots of them. 

Cole: But yes, 

Lily: Um,

Some sinister yet silly horns. Apparently the score for this took a while. be recorded. I guess it's also part of the homage to the Godfather.

Cole: It's a departure from other episodes. You're just in this Ferengi satire episode and you don't know what to expect from the score. Yeah. 

Lily: it is sinister. Yeah. Silly. That's what 

Cole: I wrote. exactly.

Lily: so it heralds the mysterious Ferengi we'd previously seen at the top of the episode, walking down the promenade. with his entourage. cut to Quark telling Morn a joke about Andorians. It takes Morn a moment to understand the punchline, and we see him laugh. And, I was reading, open his mouth, which apparently this is the only time he does this in the series.

You'd already read that. Isn't that amazing? 

Cole: It's so funny. The [00:30:00] only time we hear anything come out of Morn's mouth. 

Lily: Is some laughter. 

Cole: Wow. Yeah. loves a good uh, Andorian wife joke. Who doesn't? 

Lily: Quark is interrupted by Krax and his father.

The Grand Nagus Zek, so these are the characters we've seen walking down the promenade, as well as the Lurch type character, who, Pulls back the hood to reveal the biggest lobes you've ever seen on a Ferengi. 

Cole: Oh my god, the biggest, hairiest 

Lily: lobes. So much, yeah, tufty hair, such a craggy old face.

It's a thing of 

Cole: Beauty? That makeup is wild. It is crazy. You've gotta love it. I 

Lily: like where they went with it though. I mean that is what an ancient Ferengi would look like. Totally. With so much money. uh, Quark kisses the little stick that has the scepter. The scepter, yeah. And ask if the Grand Nagus is here for business or pleasure.

 What's the difference? Yeah, is there a difference? I 

Cole: love that line. It's so It's stuff like that that does make me enjoy the Ferengi episodes. Yeah, 

Lily: clever. So apparently the Nagus is here to sample the Holosuite. Which is gross. [00:31:00] And Quark offers five of his favorite programs, , and then Nagus decides to try all five.

And then does the creepiest little cackle you've ever heard. it's good! 

Cole: Is that 

Lily: it's quite restrained though. Yeah, you're right. It's not 

Cole: maniacal. No it's just a giggle. Yeah. It's an old senile man's giggle. 

Lily: Yeah, I mean I love Wallace Shawn Who plays, , the Grand Nagus, Zek.

Thank God for Wallace Shawn. I mean, to me, he's, Vizzini. Absolutely, 

Cole: from The Princess Bride. Yeah, and he can't be anyone else. He is also Rex from Toy Story to me. Yes, okay. But 

Lily: mostly Vizzini. I know he's in 

Cole: other things. Yeah. But, man, And that's the teaser. That's the opener. that's how they try to lure us into this episode.

The hook is there's an old wrinkly Ferengi with tufty ear hair, and he's giggling about sex holoprograms. Are you hooked? I'm kind of hooked. I mean, just going back to how disastrous the Ferengi originally were, and how everyone agreed, and they're like, you know what, let's keep the Ferengi around, and have a whole [00:32:00] episode that begins with an old Ferengi, with an inexhaustible libido in the holosuites.

I mean, 

Lily: the ghost of Gene Roddenberry's, well endowed Ferengi lives on. Yeah, this 

Cole: is like a tribute to Gene. This one's for you, Gene.

Lily: Look, I'm kind of into it. Good, I'm not. 

Cole: I think, I was not looking forward to recapping this. But, I'm doing this. where I shine this blinding light on the show I adore. And I keep thinking that I'm going to be very dismayed at what I find, but I ended up just falling more in love with the show.

Lily: Agreed. And look, I'm not here to shine any blinding lights on anything. I really like mood lighting. I like ambiance. But yeah, I agree, I was not looking forward to this episode, and so far, it's a 

Cole: hoot. I'm here for it. I'm a convert. Yeah. 

Lily: okay. 

We're in Keiko's school and the kids are running amok. but here comes substitute teacher, [00:33:00] O'Brien, finally back from the party to end all parties. He returns 

Cole: from the sake bombs on earth. 

Lily: And he looks hung over and he is not happy to be there. Seemingly Keiko is still with her mom celebrating. but Jake and Nog don't appear to respect the chief, pretty classic teacher trope.

Cole: Isn't it hilarious, O'Brien's thing is that he's just always suffering, and here he's even forced to be a substitute teacher. Oh my god. Strange choice for a substitute given we always hear how overworked O'Brien is, but sure. He's 

Lily: the hardest worker, but who else is going to do it? and look, he did push his wife into staying on board, so he still 

Cole: has to keep school alive. 

Lily: He owes her one. then we get a scene out of Billy Madison, an assignment on ethics. 

Cole: Also, a grown man pretending to be a high school student because Aron Eisenberg, who plays Nog is 10 years older than Cirroc, who plays Okay, so this is where it gets wild. Aron Eisenberg is not Jewish, but he was raised by an adoptive Jewish family. Mmm. 

Lily: Wow. So it really doesn't stop. leaving that there. [00:34:00] So yeah, they've got an assignment on ethics, which is kind of a setup for Nog because it's not part of his culture. Totally. Or it's a different set of ethics. Totally. but Nog clearly hasn't done the assignment and lies about his iPad being stolen at Quark's by some Vulcans.

And O'Brien is like, you're saying Vulcans stole your homework, which is very classic O'Brien. I like that line. But then Nod gets Jake to back him up in this lie, and Jake Sisko bare faced lies to O'Brien to protect his friend, but is clearly very unhappy about it. Is that 

Cole: ethical? isn't it great that all of us, at least me when I watched this, I was like, oh yeah, Nog, that delinquent, not doing his work.

but there's more than meets the eye to why Nog didn't do his work. And I fell for it. I was like, yeah, this kid, this kid is trouble. 

Lily: He's not a criminal mastermind. Kids don't do their homework sometimes. 

Cole: So what? But I was ready to be like, yeah, Nog's a bad influence on Jake.

Got it. 

Lily: that's just not how Nogulet does. 

Cole: It Jakeyet. And Nogio. Yeah, Nogio and Jakeyet. Nogio. [00:35:00] Jake yet? Yeah. I don't know. 

Lily: I don't know 

Cole: the rules. Don't you?

Lily: So we're back at Quark's, there is some creepy giggling coming out of the holosuites, apparently the Nagus is taking his sweet time in there. 

Cole: That door is not thick enough. Yeah. 

Lily: I'm glad we haven't heard anything else before, but also not glad we can hear the giggling.

Nope. but Rom is filled with Ferengi pride that the Nagus is at the bar. Although Quark immediately thinks it's all a play to steal his bar. because he's a Ferengi, through and through. And that's how his brain works. Hmm. The Nagus emerges from the Sweetss, to neck back, some orange Gatorade,

And he says, good 

Cole: program, because he has worn out. He, his electrolytes are gone. And you love this. Lily, you love this . You're into this little plot development, . 

Lily: I do think the hollow sweets are a hilarious construct. , um. for a sexless show, this is as racy as it gets. 

Cole: only happens in the holo brothel, people.

Keep it on the [00:36:00] holo brothel. And we will 

Lily: never see what happens, but we might hear some things. We 

Cole: just know that Rom has a clean up job ahead of 

Lily: him. Oh, jeez. And probably Nog. so they talk back and forth, and the Nagus demands an invitation to 

Cole: dinner. Yes, and Quark, puts the Nagus up in his brother's quarters, right?

Graciously sets him 

Lily: up in, In Rom's quarters. In Rom's quarters. So Rom, he really is getting He's walked all 

Cole: over. 

Lily: He is, Let me cut to, O'Brien, and he's chatting to Sisko about, His life as an unpaid substitute teacher no one offers to help or anything, is.

but then, O'Brien, Full on, Dobbs on, Jake, and Nog. And in my primary school, or elementary school as you would call it, Dobbers kiss the robbers. 

Cole: Americans don't even say dob, we say uh, tattle on. 

Lily: Tattle, yeah. Yep.

Cole: Okay, so if you tattle on someone, you have to go find a thief and kiss them. 

Lily: Well, that's just what, that's just your life. Because Australians be weird. Yeah. I feel like snitches get stitches makes more sense.

It's a lot more violent. 

Cole: Yeah. 

Lily: O'Brien. So O'Brien sort of says that he's a bit worried about [00:37:00] Jake, , and that Nog is bad influence and suggests that the two should sort of be broken up. But Sisko is quite wise and knows that this would create a rift wherein Jake would have to choose between his father and no, and Nog would probably win.

 And then Sisko tries to scare O'Brien with the thought of his daughter being a teenager and it's like O'Brien has never even thought about it before. He's not ready for that. Like, Just had a baby, didn't think about it being anything other than a baby and that one day it'll be a person, including a teenager.

Cole: Get ready, O'Brien. I Actually, I had a slightly different take on this. All of O'Brien's fears are Sisko's fears. And I think Sisko 100 percent agrees with O'Brien. And here, where he's like, Oh, that's not the wise thing to do. I think he's just trying to be a little self righteous.

I mean, I think he knows on paper that's what to do. But in his heart, he's right there with O'Brien. See, I think 

Lily: he's afraid. Of I think he lost his wife and he doesn't want 

Cole: to lose his son. I he instinctually wants to do exactly what O'Brien's saying, like get rid of Nog, but he knows he has to tread carefully.

Yeah. you're right. 

Lily: I think he does [00:38:00] understand. better than O'Brien. The individuation 

Cole: will happen. He's got 11 years of parenthood on this guy. 

Lily: Exactly. And he's a good dad. Yeah, he is. And then the next scene we're in a formal dining experience. And. The Lurch character, who you find out later is called Mayhardu.

Mayhardu is well, first of all, has some fabulous purple highlights. I love the purple streaks in his hair. Reminiscent of a Gen X lady who just wants to get her groove back. 

Cole: Ha ha ha ha! 

So he's chomping down on some tube grubs. 

Yeah, so, regarding Mayhardu. Yeah, Mayhardu. So the actor is seven feet, one inches tall.

The actor's name is Tiny Ron, right, lol. Former professional basketball player. Also played a Hirogen on Voyager. Sure. Yep. Very similar, tall, silent type to Lwaxana's 

Lily: valet. I was actually, wondering if they're the same. 

Cole: Different species.

It's just a weird coincidence. Maybe even this is an idea that comes from mob films the [00:39:00] strong, silent consigliere assistant. 

Lily: I mean, I've been, jokingly calling him Lurch from The Addams Family. Exactly. 

Cole: But yeah, it's a trope that exists. It is a trope, but it's weird that you've got two recurring characters who are the exact same deal.

Yeah. But somehow they're both very lovable. 

Lily: Yeah, the silent character, you know, it's like the Penn and Teller, the Jay and Silent Bob the silent character you can bestow whatever 

Cole: emotion you want on them. You map on whatever you want and I guess we all choose that he's lovable and he's benevolent, purely devoted to his his employer, but who the 

Lily: hell knows.

 And you go girl, you get your group back. So yeah, he's jumping on some tube grubs. Apparently taste testing for the Nagus for poisons. The Nagus complements Quark after diving into the tube grubs which he's eating with some clam pegs. It's just chopsticks. Yeah, 

Cole: Ferengi's chopsticks.

Fun factoid. 

Lily: It's the most logical way to eat tube 

Cole: grubs, I can see that. 

Lily: He says that they're expertly chilled, Yeah. And also on the dining [00:40:00] table there's this awesome layered Lazy Susan. This three tier Lazy Susan.

buffet, and a cloche on top. It's great. The lighting is amazing. 

Cole: Klaest is like the cake tray? 

Lily: It's like the cover. Yep. Yeah.

Cole: the Ferengi take mealtime very seriously. I think they 

Lily: do. yeah, I think they enjoy good food, good wine, Good women. Sexy times. Just quickly, speaking of good wine. 

Cole: Ugh, let me top you up. little more red wine for my uh, sorella.

Awwww. 

Lily: Familia. I'm doing the hand gestures. Io 

 All right so we're at this dinner and we get a revealing anecdote from the Nagus about Quark. Double crossing his cousin, Barbo, for profit.

And we get the sixth rule of acquisition. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. 

Cole: So this rule did give me pause, because the one thing we know about the Mafia is that family is everything. Yeah. It's like class in the beeries. 

Lily: Yeah, exactly. 

Cole: But if the Ferengi are the mob here, why [00:41:00] is the sixth rule, don't let family get in the way of opportunity?

 My buddy Joe Oh. He was ready. ran this by him and he says, but that conflict between family loyalty and just doing whatever you have to to get ahead is the conflict behind almost every mob movie. Sure. Business is business. Yeah. And it's basically the conflict in this episode. Yeah. That's why they're setting up this whole thing.

Sure. 

Lily: Alright, Joe. 

Cole: He's got some thoughts. He's, He's 

Lily: ready. Zek compliments Quark on opening a bar close to the wormhole. And not only does this, but he reprimands his own son for not having the foresight that Quark did. 

Cole: Not that Quark had any foresight, because He 

Lily: had it already, and he had no idea.

Cole: I think it points to a bit of early senility on Zek's part. to be getting the timeline wrong. It's a bit of foreshadowing, actually. 

Lily: No, but I think he's more just saying you need to have an instinct for when opportunity is going to arise. I don't actually think he thinks that Quark knew. 

Cole: Okay, just trying to guilt his son.

Yeah, he's putting 

Lily: down his son. Yep. And he's all, Quark, he had the instinct, [00:42:00] he had the 

Cole: ears. the meat, the ball. He had the ears. It's a good pepperoni. 

Lily: All right, we gotta stop. This is highly offensive.

Cole: how dare 

Lily: those. These DS9 writers be so racist. 

Cole: I'm just trying to let the listeners know what's happening behind the scenes. Lots of a spicy meatball hand motions. 

Lily: There's actually a word for it. 

Cole: To me it's like chef's kiss, but what's the Italian 

Lily: word for it? No, it's something else.

 there's actually all the different words. Jo, help us! All the different words for all the different hand gestures. 

Cole: I'm going to text Jo right now, and I bet before this episode is done, he'll respond with the answer. Great. The emoji was ready. I wrote an Italian hand gesture and the emoji popped up. 

Lily: So then the Nagus yells at Nog to bring a tray of various implements for picking at one's teeth after eating. Boy! Boy! Come here, boy! Yeah, and Nog has to do it. He's just sort of sitting in the sidelines waiting, ready to get this tray of 

So gross. It's pretty gross. The Nagus is then astonished to find out that Rom allows Nog to attend a human school run by a [00:43:00] female. But Rom blames the Federation for being do gooders and sticking their noses in other people's businesses. 

Cole: so this scene especially scene through the lens of the immigration theme, I really love because here comes Zek from the motherland.

And suddenly this immigrant family has to try to be the, it's like a purity test. and they got to prove that they're still pure Ferengis even though they're living on this Federation station. And Nog gets caught doing homework and then Rom has to cover for him and say, Oh yeah, those Federation do gooders.

Lily: Just quickly, back to the Australian Italian immigrant experience, looking for Alibrandi, it's like a young adult novel that was turned into a film in the late 90s, early 2000s.

And it's about young girl in high school who is first generation, second generation. So her grandmother, her nonna moved to Australia. And they're within like a big Italian community in Melbourne. And it's sort of about her negotiating tradition with with being a young person in Australia.

Yeah, great. 

Cole: A young nog. Yeah, 

Lily: great. 

Cole: Looking for [00:44:00] LeBrandi. Do you like Nog in a sort of dress uniform his snappy Ferengi dress suit? I gotta say I don't. I like him casual. He's very out of 

Lily: place here, right?

He feels, you know, he's sitting on the floor. Sitting on the floor. This might be his culture, but it's not the culture he's living in anymore. He's seeing everything. He's seeing You know, the whole alpha quadrant coming into the port and meeting all these different 

Cole: cultures, I guess it's very reminiscent of , name your movie, bend It like Beckham when she's late from football practice and she's got a get on her traditional garments and, play the role of the traditional family member.

Sure. Nos, nos uncomfortable. Yeah. 

Lily: Can't date. What if you want to date Jake, well 

Cole: you can't. there's definitely, sorry, we'll get there. I'm not saying there's queer subtext, but there's love. 

Lily: I did start with the Star Crossed Lovers theme at the top of the episode, so it's not crazy.

Cole: Oh, 

Lily: Wallace Shawn plays this really well. He sort of plays it like the mob boss where it's like a little bit understated and threatening and he's just like [00:45:00] disturbing like He's not outwardly condemning these things.

He's just noticing them and filing them 

Cole: away. All he has to do is say that he finds the concept of homework disturbing, and the whole family is terrified. Well, he picks his teeth. They know they might have all blown it entirely with the Grand Nagus.

Lily: Yeah, and therefore all 

Cole: God, thank God for Wallace Shawn. Can you believe that they bring it back seven times? Yes! Yeah, I mean, he is great. He nails it. Yeah. 

Lily: so the, the Nagus motive for coming to DS9 is apparently to hold a Ferengi conference to discuss the future of business and the future of business's name is the Gamma Quadrant.

And on a side note, the napkins that Quark wipes his mouth with are a nice touch, they're really sparkly. They're so sparkly, I saw that! when, you're trying to impress your guests, you pull out the sparkly napkins. 

Cole: It is the same sparkle as Deanna Troi's bedsheets. Is it? I feel 

Lily: like hers is a little bit more it looks like way scratchier and brighter. [00:46:00] Which 

Cole: is weird, I'd rather have a scratchy napkin than scratchy bedsheets.

Lily: Obviously, but I really don't want any of it to be scratchy. No. But you know, that's what the props department had that day. 

Cole: Besides just saying that costumer and the props department love throwing color onto the screen, why are the Ferengi just the loudest dressers in the Alpha Quadrant?

I feel like 

Lily: it's nothing more than sort of ostentation, is it? 

Cole: It's ostentation. It's it's swagger. Yeah. 

Lily: Yeah, what do we think of the Nagus 

Cole: outfit? It's got the purple, which has got some, um Yeah, you know what? Now that I've thought this Ethiopian term for leader, it almost has an African regalness to it.

Mmm, interesting. Because it's got some sort of gold pieces. Interesting. 

Lily: I mean, I'm sort of thinking about the style of eating too, with the chopsticks and the laces and, you know, a bit of a 

Cole: dim sum vibe. Yeah, suddenly we're in East Asia. Yeah. They're just the other, Lily. They're just Listen to Armin Shimermann.

They're just humans. Humans. They are the world. They [00:47:00] are our children. Oh. 

Lily: They also have sharp teeth, much like a lawyer. 

Lily: So we're at ops and Kira alerts Sisko to an alarming amount of Ferengi arriving on the station. And Sisko comes to Odo who is well aware of the situation and it's kind of Odo's perfect day really.

Cole: But how classic is this whole uh, uh oh, it's a wave of immigrants. Everyone lock your doors, get the police on red alert. mean, Odo's ready for this influx. 

Lily: he knows one Ferengi, two Ferengi, and he's like, well, they're all nefarious. 

Cole: I mean, I guess the irony is that he's not wrong, but still, this is about immigration and prejudice.

Lily: That's the worst bit, that no one's wrong, they are just terrible. Not all of them.

Cole: You got me there.

Lily: Your role on this podcast is sometimes to just put me straight in my place. Same girl, same. 

Cole: I feel like it goes both ways. It's just family, isn't it? Familia. Familia. Alright. 

Lily: So we're [00:48:00] back at Quark's and the bar has been closed. A conference table is set up and just think of the last profits, a whole evening.

Cole: Closed. Does this happen in the Mafia? I don't know. Like, the boss comes in, you gotta drop everything and your business is his business. You are no longer in charge of your house, your business. Yeah, I was wondering, 

Lily: do Ferengi pay some kind of tax to the Nagus? 

Cole: I will say, it's all for the service of this Mafia analogy, but the Ferengi government structure and the role of the Nagus is very poorly defined.

It is. Even the idea that it's an appointed position. I read someone say online the Ferengi leader would probably buy his position, right? Yeah. He would probably be the most successful business person. It wouldn't be some inherited appointee. 

Lily: Totally. 

Cole: But again, this episode is the Godfather, El Padrino. Okay. 

Lily: so they're sort of discussing the politics of seating arrangements, which are debated. And then Morn shows up at the door, like a silhouette of Morn, and he's devastated that the bar is closed. And you've got a problem, Morn.

Like, You Drink too much and you need to go home. 

Cole: [00:49:00] Morn is an alcoholic, but isn't it a heartbreaking when Quark has to refuse him? Yeah. He has to physically shove him out and tell him, shoo! And you 

Lily: he doesn't want to. He enjoys telling long anecdote style jokes to this guy. 

Cole: It's one of his best friends, but the Godfather's in town and you've got to deny who you 

Lily: are.

Some rule of acquisition. tries to belittle Zexon cracks for living under the rule of his father.

And Crack says, The Nagus casts a very long shadow, careful you don't disappear in it. Discuss. Intrigue. Because I feel like this is a whole essay topic. 

Cole: But, it's that mob loyalty stuff that just doesn't interest me in 

Lily: the slightest. It doesn't, but family politics too. Yeah, okay. So this is the son speaking about the 

Cole: father.

Yeah, so the son is saying Careful not to get caught in the web of my father's power and expectations. Yeah. 

Lily: And that's the advice he's 

Cole: giving. There's a lot of with expectations for their sons in this episode. Oh, interesting.

Lily: [00:50:00] Right? was trying to make a link to your dad's quote on the wall that 

Cole: doesn't reference you. I have also tried, following in my own father's footsteps of opening an accounting firm and choosing a wife as a luxury. 

Did you? How was that? I said I tried, and I failed. 

Lily: Let me cut to Nog who is sulking in his and Jake's special little spot, which is above the promenade. We've seen many scenes of this and we will see many more. 

Cole: So Nog spot is up here on the balcony. Yeah. And that's where I made the leap from Romeo and Juliet to West Side Story, which I think fits even better.

Tonight, Tonight. Right? And it's sort of star crossed immigrant wave one and immigrant wave two from different cultures. Love 

Lily: it. Oh man, if my clown pigs were here, you'd 

Cole: be whacking those 

Lily: clown pigs. Yeah, but we just need to calm down after last week. Things got out of hand, everyone. 

Lily: So Nog is there and Jake joins him. And Nog [00:51:00] drops a bomb that he will be dropping out of school. Nog explains that there's no profit in school and thus is a waste of time for Ferengi. And he's clearly upset about this and he's practically yelling at Jake.

And Jake wants to know why Nog is angry at him. When he's clearly just angry at the situation. Yeah. And he's all, it's because you're a stupid human. Oh. Um, That's 

Cole: not why. Whoa, and look 

Lily: at Nog's outfit. Um, Excellent Gen Z outfit. 

Cole: Holy. Just blindingly bright, tangerine Flared jumpsuit. Flared jumpsuit.

Sorry, I had to cut in. Sorry, why am I , I just stole your job. Please, go for it. Okay, blindingly loud, tangerine jumpsuit, with a loose mustard sweater. It's 

Lily: loose, but it's sort of slightly tucked, and It's got different textures happening, it's sort of got puffed sleeves, it's got drapery where you wouldn't expect it, but it's also like an oversized shirt.

 He looks like Big Bird. No, he looks great. And you can't say that to Gen Z. This is what they're wearing right now. Kids these days. He looks amazing. But also their breakup is devastating. [00:52:00] Oh, 

Cole: you're a stupid human. And what does Jake say? I'm stupid. You're the one who's not even going to school. Ooh.

Yeah. That's a pretty good comeback. And the Dobbers kiss the Robbers. Dobbers kiss Robbers. Yeah. 

Lily: And we're back at the mafia meeting. With the Ferengi, the Nagus flags, the fact that Prophets aren't skyrocketing. And that's because the Ferengi reputation in the alpha quadrant is pretty bad For whatever reason.

Who could say why? He claims that it's lies from their enemies. Slander 

Cole: Predators against his people. 

Lily: But you know what? This show is written from the perspective of, you know, American 

Cole: America centrism. 

Lily: Yeah. Yeah. So, 

Cole: It is interesting, , what do we do with the fact that there's this theme of sort of prejudice against Ferengis, but the Ferengi were also created to be villains.

Yes. I guess what we're both saying is that Star Trek creators can be fallible. 

. So yes, their reputation is not great in the Arthur Quadrant, but the Gamma Quadrant provides practically a clean slate where no one has heard of the Ferengi.[00:53:00] And this is where I'm going to bring in the Merchant of Venice. Oh, I'm ready. Here we go. So I think it's Krax that says our word can be our bond until we decide to break it.

Lily: But the idea of the bond is brought up by Shylock, and this is apparently one of the first times it's sort of used in English vocabulary to mean a contract. 

Cole: Sure, a 

Lily: promise. Yeah and he's always demanding his bond, which is the pound of flesh, but But I'll come back to that later.

Oh, I 

Cole: can't wait. 

Lily: the Ferengi are all saying it'll be like good old days all over again. Is that a, I feel like that's a Godfather reference. 

Cole: I don't know. I was actually getting Make America Great Again vibes. Oh. Side note. 

Lily: Wallace. Is Zeck more attractive than Donald Trump?

Cole: The answer is I found this great quote from Wallace Shawn. , he admitted that he modeled the Grand Nagus on someone, but he's not going to say who.

Ed, I just love the speculation there. This was 1993. 

Lily: I mean, it's definitely not Marlon Brando. It's 

Cole: not Marlon Brando. It could have been Trump. He was a [00:54:00] celebrity in 93. Yeah, it could have been. I don't know what other pompous, old, senile business magnates. or politicians he might be inspired by, but listeners, I would love your suggestions.

 He also said that even though he initially modeled it on someone else, over the years he came to see the character more and more as himself. And now he says he's quite vain about Zek. And he gets upset if he sees photographs of Zek that he finds unattractive. 

Lily: Not enough. Eartufts. More Eartufts. That quote 

Cole: really got me.

I 

Lily: love that because like, let's be honest, the actor, he's not like an attractive man. He's a character actor. was doing some reading up on him as well and he says that he identifies mainly as a writer.

Interesting. That's what he started out as. 

Cole: He's a playwright, isn't he? Yeah. Cool. 

Lily: He's an interesting guy. 

Uh, the Nagus announces that he is stepping down. Because he's not as greedy as he used to be. 

But he's chosen his successor and it's Quark. But outrage ensues and the Ferengi all throw their [00:55:00] chairs down on the floor.

The Ferengi are furious. They're so mad. They're going to lightly throw their chairs down. 

Quark is stunned yet thrilled. Yeah. And then he fondles Yeah, he adapts pretty quickly to this concept. Thanks Gene Roddenberry for the weird self touching that we see. 

Oh shit, we got 

Cole: an answer. Joe only knows it as the Italian hand gesture. 

Lily: Wow, thanks for nothing, Joe. 

Cole: Really 

Lily: unhelpful, Joe. 

Cole: Wow. 

Lily: I don't know why I need to neg our fans. 

Cole: It feels like you're feeling a little threatened by Joe. I'm 

Lily: very threatened by Joe. You clearly could have had this podcast with you, that's all I'm saying.

 He 

Cole: wouldn't know how to choose the wine. 

Lily: Well, I'm glad I'm here for something. So we're in the next scene and Jake is heartbroken. 

Cole: He's been really sad into his 

Lily: oatmeal. He's playing with an unappetizing bowl of the O'Brien special. But it's not lumpy. He's just upset. He's just feeling sad. Sisko [00:56:00] allows Jake to unburden himself about how Jake is worried that Nog doesn't want to be his friend anymore.

Wow. Nog. Isn't in the school anymore. Yeah, and then we get the bomb dropped that can't even read 

Cole: Yeah, Jake's like, it's horrible. He dropped out of school, but he can't 

Lily: even read. Yeah And up until this point we didn't realize that Nog was illiterate and you know what the school's been going on for a while 

Cole: Keiko.

And I actually love this plot point, but I don't want to look too hard under the surface because Ferengi can read 

Lily: Maybe he can't read English? Is it being taught 

Cole: in English? But universal translators have to work on pages, too. I mean, if you have an iPad, it's gonna translate everything 

Lily: to your language.

I mean, the Ferengi need to know contracts. It doesn't make any sense. Okay. Um, Okay, Rom is a terrible father. 

Cole: Yep, and there could be an argument that Ferengi print is so focused on profit motive and numbers that it doesn't translate to what Keiko's teaching. Okay, boom, we did it. 

Lily: We've looked into it and there it is.

Cole: I was really, I hated that plot hole in this episode. Yeah, [00:57:00] it's We fixed 

Lily: it. We sealed it up. No, we fixed it, you're right. airtight. So Jake and Sisko debate over the importance of sharing the same value systems in a relationship, which is an interesting one. It's real. What 

Cole: do you think?

 Well, Maybe you're giving Sisko more credit as a parent than me. I almost assumed he was a little gleeful in this scene and just hiding his glee because he is worried about Nog's bad influence. That's actually carried over continuity from the previous episode. Jake was staying out late with Nog.

So, you know Sisko's relieved on some level. 

Lily: Think he raises a valid point. Like he does in the conversation with O'Brien, that yeah, maybe he's intellectualizing this stuff about why it doesn't work or why things are happening the way they are.

but think you're right. I think he is. terrified of losing Jake and fear of the other. 

Cole: And too about influence. Every parent is afraid of their kid being influenced by their own friends. Sure. 

Lily: I think he raises an excellent point that it is hard to be friends with people that are Totally different from you and have a completely different world view this shit comes up like a close relationship with [00:58:00] someone who doesn't share your value system That's gonna come up in the relationship.

Cole: This was such a huge thing when I was Jake's age actually 13 14 the number of discussions I had with my parents about if my friends Had a close enough value system to our own And I think it was couched as like, this going to be a friend you can trust?

Is this a good friend for you? But that was all pretense to we don't want you hanging out with this person. Yeah. I mean, 

Lily: feel like we can give your parents a bit more credit than 

Cole: that. No, No, alright. My parents are amazing.

I just think it's very difficult for parents, near impossible for parents to separate their own desires for their child from the child's wants and needs. Absolutely. And that's just what Sisko's dealing 

Lily: with. Totally. Sisko cites the different value systems as the reason that humans and Ferengi struggled to form bonds.

 But they're just too different to get along. 

Cole: And again, it's really interesting if you see Nog as the Italian kid in class. Totally. How actually warped this conversation sounds. 

Lily: Absolutely, yeah. 

But 

Cole: I actually, the one thing I did [00:59:00] like about Gene Roddenberry's original vision is that it doesn't vilify the Ferengi, it just says they have a different value system. They see winning and profit as the be all and end all, and ethics is just foreign to them, and absurd. And so, it's just like Sisko says, it's two competing value systems that don't actually mesh together.

Which is fair, I mean, cultural relativism It's really tricky to tease out, and Star Trek tackles it sometimes. mean, most of the time, this sort of America centrism comes through, but other times it does acknowledge other value systems may be just as valid as 

Lily: our own. Yeah, but I think this is where the episode gets confused.

I think this is where we all get a bit confused. 

Cole: That's totally fair. 

Lily: Yeah. And then this scene ends with Sisko trying to lure Jake to a game of baseball. There's that baseball again. But that's rejected. Yep. Because you just don't understand me, Dad. Which he kind of doesn't. 

Cole: Oof, being a parent is hard.

Lily: I hear. Isn't that not test that theory, ever? 

Cole: Hahaha. [01:00:00] let's make a pact to not accidentally make a baby. After one of these recordings when we're just on a high. 

Lily: This is my best friend's wedding, but 

Cole: If you and I are in our late 40s , and we're very successful podcasters and we don't have children, let's continue doing exactly that. Let's 

Lily: never have children. So the next scene, Quark struts down the promenade and he's in the Nagus purple robe and he's got the scepter. He's got that scepter riz and is immediately approached and then threatened by a Ferengi.

We're sort of simultaneously offering protection from possible mutiny in the, it's not a power vacuum, but it's a questionable leadership choice in Quark that's being created. And he offers his protection in exchange for the most profitable business opportunities that the Gamma Quadrant can provide.

Cole: It's this mafia doublespeak that I'm guessing happens all the time in mob movies of I'll protect you because people are threatening you and by the way, I'm the person threatening you like 

Lily: Scratch my back. I'll scratch yours with a knife. Maybe. Or 

Cole: else. 

Lily: Yeah. [01:01:00] Quark is terrified and immediately runs to Zek for advice.

And Zek is debating his vacation prospects about whether to to Risa or Belozni 6. And 

Cole: he's also propped up in this lazy boy. Oh, it's 

Lily: great. he's like a Old man in Florida, , He advises Quark that he should surround himself with only loyal men.

But also, you shouldn't trust people who are too loyal to you. But when in doubt just act in a ruthless 

Cole: manner. And didn't you want him to also say, And never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. 

Lily: Man, that's good and I'm just mad I didn't think of that. You and Joe, I've got a real bone to pick with both of you.

That 

Lily: Have I ever told you that Red one makes me like little bit mad, jealous and bitter, but like, My partner has a joke that it's when I'm most likely to start a fight with someone. And maybe it's the Italian red wine. [01:02:00] It's 

Cole: when you and I have gotten most close to making out.

On red wine. Oh! So I'm not following this thread at all. Stop it! No, you stop 

Lily: it. Alright. Trying to start a fight with something. 

 this will they won't they tension that we're creating. It 

Cole: keeps people tuning in week to week. 

Lily: Ah, they won't. Alright. But then, suddenly Nagus, the Grand Nagus, dies.

Cole: Womp, he just flops over in his 

Lily: Lazy Boy. But he sort of doesn't even flop, he just sort of stops talking, and it is rather like his death in The Princess Bride. Oh my gosh, it's just 

Cole: like his death in The Princess Bride! 

Lily: Side 

Cole: note, they were like, yeah, we were so glad to get Wallace Shawn for this episode, and he even does this crazy voice! He doesn't do crazy voices, and I was like He sounds exactly like Vizzini. His voice is 

Lily: exactly the same. It's his voice. It's his voice, guys. I don't know what to tell you people.

 yeah. He's Alright Mehadu. Checks Zek's pulse and confirms that he is dead.[01:03:00] But in a side note, We find out that he owns and is wearing some purple fingerless gloves to match his highlights. That's beautiful. 

Cole: Mayardieu has purple gloves?

Purple 

Lily: fingerless 

Cole: gloves. That's so luxe. isn't it? That is 

Lily: iconic. He really is that Gen X lady. And she's at the Madonna tribute band. And she's worn her purple fingerless gloves. She's got her highlight. That's exactly who he is. Big pearl chain on. He's not wearing that, but I can imagine it.

And it's a 

Cole: single Gen X woman who does drugs with gay men on weekends. Oh my God, you 

Lily: know this lady, don't you? Yep. Yeah. And it's not me because I'm a millennial. Or am I? Ha ha ha ha So then we're at the Nagus funeral. Yeah. Which is being held at Quark's Bar. 

Cole: Of course, when in doubt, the action is in Quark's 

Lily: Bar in this show.

There's one set and it's the bar. Crax is selling something to a bunch of Ferengi who are haggling over prices. We find out later in the scene that it's the Ferengi tradition of dismantling the bodies of your family and selling their parts for [01:04:00] profits, which is great. It's 

Cole: of 

Lily: great, isn't it?

I love it. It's great, but as far as the Ferengi go. When you said that intertextual links, I immediately was like hmm, is he gonna bring up the medieval tradition of selling parts of the saints. .

Cole: You would sell the body parts of saints? 

Lily: I think that they were religious icons or talismans and you could go on pilgrimages to go pray at the, I don't know, femur of St. Joseph 

Cole: or whatever. I mean, it's all there.

This is the Temple of Prophets. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. It's just different value systems, Lily. Neither is better than the other. Yeah. 

Lily: I will be selling your beautiful head of hair. When you die. If it's still there. Thanks, babe. So we're still in the bar and Quark wants Rom to be his bodyguard and says that you're the only person I can trust. You're my brother, you're my friend you're my loyal whatever. But it turns out Ron wants to take over the bar.

That's his great prospect in life, apparently. He's aspirational. sure. He's an aspirational immigrant. I guess. But [01:05:00] Quark does a spit take at this idea and then laughs uproariously for a really long time. 

Cole: I do think it's just a very small moment of Rom trying to ask for a little respect. The tiniest bit of respect. And it's actually it's pretty important for the rest of the 

Lily: plot. It is. Yeah, Odo then loudly begins his investigation into the death of Zek, and Krax claims that his father died of a chronic ear infection, his eardrum burst and then he suddenly died.

But unfortunately there can't be an autopsy, because the body is vacuum desiccated and sold as a prize collectible. And I thought they just cut them up but they sort of, do you know what it is? To like vacuum pack something. Yeah. 

Yeah, So they dehydrate the body I guess and then seal it So it's really tight and small and then I suppose it's easy to cut up the body and then Odo quips, how touching. 

Cole: Don't you get the impression that Odo's already feeling a little left out? Oh yeah, this is not about him. And maybe a little sad and scared that he's gonna lose his bromance 

Lily: busty. And he's I've gotta get to the bottom of this.

Yeah. And keep the [01:06:00] status quo. Because this is my life, my love. Yeah! 

Cole: His little bromance bestie might be moving off to Ferengi 

Lily: now. But will he? So back in their special spot, Jake and We see some lovely colored boots swinging in the air. Yeah, the 

Cole: camera starts from their swinging boots and pans up.

Yeah, I mean if that's not Maria and Tony just sitting in a balcony. 

Lily: It really is, it's super cute. 

Cole: 

I wouldn't mind having pairs 

Lily: of A sensible riding boot, 

So the two of them are sitting there and talking and they, come to the agreement that although their fathers disapprove of their relationship, they actually have a lot in common and they can still be friends. And they seal this decision with a handshake. And Nog also has on a great layered outfit.

It's one of those classic ones from the first episode. And it's one that Bajoran women would love because it's nice 

Cole: and baggy. I do rate this one. This is Gen Z chic. Yeah. 

Lily: Back in the bar, Quark explains to Odo what it means to be a Nagus and that he's the leader of the Ferengi, and respect must be shown by kissing his scepter.

Yeah, that's 

Cole: right.

Cole: I'm [01:07:00] kissing my scepter. 

Lily: And then we go back to some of those weird stereotypes about Quark and his money grabbing.

He sees like a coin fall out of someone's Actually, he just 

Cole: sees a coin roll across the floor. It's rolling 

Lily: across the floor and he spies it immediately and bends down to grab it only to avoid an assassination attempt in the form of a drone slash bomb.

Yeah, 

Cole: he bends down and narrowly misses being blown to bits. Okay the money grubbing, is it Terrible, sloppy writing. Or, was someone rolling that coin trying to save Quark's life? Stop 

Lily: giving them, stop it. Stop that, you. You and Joe can go sit and talk about that. It is lazy writing, and we saw in the last, 

which episode was it? Passenger. Passenger. We saw him grubbing on the 

Cole: floor. There was a lot of money grubbing. I just think, 

I'm trying my best to redeem this thing. So you think it's Rom? Did I say that? 

Lily: mad at you. We will never have a [01:08:00] baby. Yeah, that's the That baby is off the table, Carl! 

Cole: That's the bond we agreed to. 

Lily: Onto the next scene, O'Brien, Odo, and Sisko are investigating this bomb And they find out it's a Ferengi locator bomb, which uses the pheromones of the target And it's funny, because Odo says, ah they're body odour, and it's no, that's actually not what pheromones are, but yeah, okay, Odo. Sure. Sure. Little slime guy. 

Cole: What? I never mind. We won't go on a digression about what pheromones are. Please do!

I just don't know what they are. Are they like sex? you detect someone's pheromones? So 

Lily: pheromones are undetectable to the nose of the normal human. Like we don't have enough olfactory senses to actually sense them. Like the smell of them. Sure. But we can sense them. So what senses? 

Cole: Is it like a sixth sense?

Lily: It's I think it's hormonally? 

Cole: Yeah, so that's like another sense. Our hormones are picking up pheromones in the air. Yeah, I think so. Wow, and it makes us potentially want to bang someone more? 

Lily: Yeah, I think so. 

Cole: Isn't it wild to think that the decisions we [01:09:00] make in our love life might be dictated by things we aren't even aware of?

Lily: Well, actually, and this is a total digression, but apparently some women when they come off The contraceptive pill suddenly not attracted to their partner anymore. Right. Because it's been blocking something to do with their hormones. And then when their hormones sort of recalibrate, the pheromones are off.

Or 

whatever. So maybe next time I'm not up for a Tinder date, I might just say 

Cole: like, 

Lily: It's not you, it's your 

pheromones. and they don't lie, baby. Yeah, you smell fine 

Cole: good I've got a new out 

Lily: And that is why we will never have a baby you don't have 

Cole: to bring my pheromones into it Geez, this is getting so personal.

Lily: I feel like the pheromones are good. The pheromones 

Cole: are good Would you like some more bologna? Yeah. Fuck. 

Lily: Did you just call it bologna? Please don't cut that out, it's really good. 

Cole: Sambarolo. Si! Più vino, sorella. 

Lily: So and Sisko. They decide to go speak to Quark, but not before Sisko [01:10:00] sees Jake and Nog running around having a laugh looking like two happy kids. And he clearly disapproves of this.

Yeah. So like you say he's scared. He 

Cole: thought Jake had escaped Nog, , or rather. 

Lily: No. Closer than ever. Yep. Sisko then interrogate Quark in Sickbay who tells them that interfering in Ferengi's state matters. Stay out of my business and stay out of my culture. You don't understand it.

Lily: But yeah, I guess thinking about the immigrant

Cole: Please. talk to me, de me. 

Lily: so I guess in a way they are kind of interfering to be fair, there has been a murder attempt but this isn't in their purview. 

Cole: So cork's saying, stay outta my business.

in The Godfather there's a huge. Mistrust of the police. And so that's maybe sort of part of this. Sure. I had a Alright, hear me out. I was trying to figure out who Diane Keaton is in this. Because she's clearly the character I relate to the most in The Godfather. Um, Very white and well behaved and disapproving of the mob.

Lily: Is it Diane Keaton 

Cole: Diane Keaton. She plays [01:11:00] Michael Corleone's fiance. Okay. Michael is Al Pacino. So he's dating this waspy white woman and she is really worried about him getting sucked into the mob. And at the end of Godfather 1, she's like, that's not you, right?

And he's like, sure, baby. Of course not. That's not me. And I decided that Odo is Diane Keaton because he's terrified of losing Quark to the mob and he's just trying to protect him and keep his friend. 

Lily: Oh, and they're waspy as hell. I mean, 

Cole: Odo's kind of waspy. Prim 

Lily: and proper. I love that. And you know who didn't help you with that?

Cole: Joe Larkin. This is a Cole Paulson special, baby, which is why it's very tenuous. No, 

Lily: I love it. And if I'd seen that movie more than once, I would be all over that. Apparently Zex Huperian servant, Mayhedu. Nailed it. Who Spoiler, he's probably going to win Fashion March. So apparently he wasn't at the funeral, which seems very suspicious. 

Cole: Huperians are [01:12:00] renowned for their loyalty to their employers.

Lily: Devotion to their employers. So where was he at this funeral? 

Cole: We've got a suspect. And Rom is like, mm, it's gotta 

Lily: be him. Yep. And Odo Has his own thoughts that we'll find out later. Yep. 

Cole: Odo loves a murder mystery. I mean, he does. died naturally and Odo's did he? 

Lily: Yeah.

Odo is just in his own Raymond Chandler novel while everything else is happening. Constantly. Meanwhile Jake is necking down some more orange juice because it's the 90s. 

Cole: It's the 90s and it's domestic breakfast scene. 

Lily: Wasn't it great in the 90s how you just had orange juice all the time? So much orange juice.

Before you found out like how much sugar it had in it. 

 Um, Sisko wants to know where Jake was. Because he got in at midnight, and like, to be fair, imagine coming home at midnight My parents would have lost their shit, and they didn't really know what I was doing as a teenager. But even still, they would have noticed that. It's looking 

Cole: more and more scandalous.

 Staying out late with this kid. queer reading is there, and I'm not suggesting 

Lily: they are carousing around. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. And Jake is super [01:13:00] cagey and tells Sisko that he was out with Nog, but whatever they were doing was private. 

Cole: I mean, it's almost like a love triangle between Jake, Nog, and Sisko.

Definitely a 

Lily: love triangle. Right? Yeah. And Sisko, he comes down all discipliny demanding that Jake be home for dinner. But I think a part of him knows this is the wrong way to get through 

Cole: to him. 

Lily: Alright, and then we have this scene. Oh my gosh. This homage scene. 

 Yeah, we get to the scene that is a loving shot for shot tribute to the opening scene of The 

Lily: Godfather.

 All right. Do you want to take us through it? Allow me. 

Cole: The film buff in me was really impressed. And this might be the only time on Star Trek where they try to basically duplicate a scene from another piece of work. So dimly lit, it's the same lighting. It starts on this extreme close up of this supplicant asking for a favor from the Godfather or Quark.

And it slowly pans out. And you get the back of Quark's head, and they even duplicate this little twirl of the hand that the Godfather does as he's listening cuts to show Quark sitting behind this [01:14:00] desk with what do you call them, lattice blinds behind him?

And apparently, producers were all in on this tribute, but the blinds were a bit of a stretch, and they had to the writers had to be like, you could have blinds in space! 

And then of course, the crème de Yes. There's not a cat sitting on Don Corleone's lap. What is it? There is do you know the name of the creature? 

Lily: I don't know what the creature is called, but I was calling it a mole rat. 

Cole: It's yeah, it's this puppet that showed up on a Next Generation episode, it showed up on the episode New Ground, 

and it's this endangered species that Worf and Alexander saw in some like, animal conservation lab. And now Quark has one sitting on his lap. And He's striking 

Lily: it. I just In the same way. It 

Cole: cracks me up that there's this little puppet sitting in Quark's lap. 

Lily: What an easter egg too. Right? Yeah, I love it.

Cole: just well done 

Lily: [01:15:00] team. They really did it. It's everything happening. Oh, there's the um, whiskey decanter as well. Yep. Because 

Cole: that's for business. And then the dialogue itself is about Quark is hearing this request and just like the Godfather in the opening scene, he says Are you coming to me as a friend?

Or are you suddenly pretending you're my friend? Yeah. Now you call me Nagus after you never showed me love. 

Lily: All right, and now, here I come in with some Shylock. Ah, I'm ready. All right, I'm going to do the whole monologue. Is that acceptable? Oh, baby, hear me. All right, so this is one of the very, very famous monologues from all of Shakespeare, but from The Merchant of Venice, and this is Shylock.

Right. Do it Signor Antonio. Many a time and oft in the Rialto you have rated me about my moneys and my usances. Still have I borne it with a patient shrug, for sufferance is the badge of all our tribe. You call me misbeliever, cutthroat dog, and spit upon my Jewish garbadine, and all for use of that which [01:16:00] is mine alone.

Well then, it now appears you need my help. Go to, then, you come to me, and you say, Shylock, we would have monies. You say so, you that did roid your room upon my Behrd, And foot me as you spurn a stranger cur over your threshold. Monies is your suit. What should I say to you? Should I not say, half a dog money?

Is it possible a cur can lend three thousand ducats? Or shall I bend low, and in a bondman's key, With bated breath and whispering humbleness, Say this, Fair sir, you spit on me on Wednesday last, You spurned me such a day, another time, You called me dog, And for these courtesies I'll lend you thus monies?

Oh, 

Cole: Holy! 

Lily: I do a mean Shylock. 

Cole: Well, that was beautifully performed. Thank you. Also, my mind is 

Lily: blown. look, I'm gonna say that probably the Godfather was influenced by The Merchant of Venice. A hundred percent. 

Cole: And suddenly, I'm [01:17:00] going back to Armin Shimmerman's quote

Where is it? Suddenly I'm going back to his quote where he says, The Ferengi represent the outcast. It's the person who lives among us that we don't fully understand. Because as don't be mad. But as my friend Joe helped me explain, Don has understood what it's like to be disrespected by the establishment of Americans.

You know, the Diane Keatons and their WASPy money don't respect him and he knows what it's like to have to earn your way. And then for people to come to him begging for his help and respect when he hasn't gotten it his whole life. It's one to one. Yeah, it is. 

I mean, 

Lily: Let's say Francis Ford Coppola knows of Shakespeare. He probably does. It's a great speech, isn't it? It's beautiful. And, but you can understand you can't say that Shakespeare is anti Semitic or racist , obviously there are elements to these things and there's context, but.

He understands people. He understands the human experience. 

Cole: I hear the defense [01:18:00] of Shakespeare. What would you say about Gene Roddenberry? 

Lily: I would say Guy thought about Ferengi dicks a lot. 

Cole: He really did. Like he thought about Ferengi's sex positions. Yeah, no, 

Lily: he did. He's a freaky mother. But I see what you're saying.

I think we can Us and Armin Shimerman are on the same page, perhaps, at the moment. Yeah. 

Cole: And then, this tribute scene ends with the big reveal. 

Lily: Sorry, yes. Quark does a deal with this guy . 

And then he departs and it turns out that Rom and Krax are the ones plotting against him. Quark, they're the ones who did the assassination 

Cole: attempt. And Rom is plotting to once again try to kill his dear brother. 

Lily: Yeah. Wow. 

Cole: Looks like Rom's just trying to be a good Ferengi and follow the sixth rule of acquisition. 

Lily: What is it again? 

Cole: Never let family get in the way of opportunity. 

Lily: Back at the Sisko household Benjamin Sisko sits at his dining table, angrily throwing and catching his baseball. Baseball [01:19:00] really gets a workout in this episode. This is 

Cole: where the baseball symbolism really hits home for me.

Lily: Yeah. I'm surprised he doesn't serve apple pie for dinner. 

Cole: Yeah 

Lily: just, he's 

Cole: sitting alone at the dinner table, flinging his ball into his glove. Yeah. And so, throughout the whole show, the baseball sort of represents Sisko's psyche. It's sort of a health check on Sisko's psyche.

And so right now he's not pleased. It also represents that quintessential sort of ideal father son relationship of like, let's go play catch. And as we discussed in the pilot. Baseball represents the most American thing possible, and so Sisko is like, I just want my son to be a good American boy, and I'm sitting alone at the dinner table.

Yeah. Oh, it's so good. It's 

Lily: great. 

Cole: me some good symbolism. 

Lily: Alright so the reason he's angry is that Jake hasn't shown up for dinner, but he expressly.

told him he had to. But then Dax arrives and then immediately she pulls a little Riker maneuver with a chair. Isn't that weird? I think it's like maybe a throwback to Curzon Dax. Maybe something he would have done or maybe one of her prior hosts. A 

Cole: [01:20:00] prior male host sat down to dinner like that.

Definitely, 

Lily: And she starts to help herself to some aubergine stew, Presumably Sisko has been slaving over that by hand. He loves to cook. He does. Dax offers some advice as someone who has been a mother three times, and a father twice.

But she does claim that she wasn't very successful at any of this. 

Cole: I love that little tidbit. She's actually always been a bad parent. 

Lily: And she tried so many times, and she had the previous hosts to help her, and she still kept making mistakes, and Do you 

Cole: think there's something to that?

She says she's been a bad parent five times. Are we actually supposed to take from that that it's impossible to feel like a success as a parent? Or is Dax just a really bad parent? 

Lily: I feel like she's very self motivated in a way. Maybe 

Cole: so. Yeah. And that's okay. 

Lily: But maybe stop having children, Dax. And then she will.

Aw. Okay. Aw. But she offers some terrible advice and says that Sisko should go find Jake and bring him home for dinner. And Sisko takes his advice But is it all just a ploy for Dax to eat this [01:21:00] aubergine stew in solitude? Because same girl, same. I love eating alone. 

Cole: And is it terrible advice or is there a chance she actually knows what Sisko's gonna find?

And she's pulling a little wise Dax maneuver. Look at her, 

Lily: Delving into 

Cole: that overshearing. I think she's just hungry for some stew and is a horrible parent. I agree. . I think that's all there is to it. 

Lily: Really weird Dax she's had many lifetimes doesn't mean she's amazing at everything. It's nice to see that she's flawed.

 Because she's, you know, hot people, they're just like us.

Anyway Sisko then goes to try and find Jake, and he starts spying on him. He's in one of the what do we call them? Cargo bays. Cargo And he's spying on Jake, Nog to read. 

Cole: And I actually find this beautiful. I love this scene. I remember when I first saw it as a kid, Uh, This thing's beautiful. 

Lily: I think it's great. It's like Beauty and the Beast. It's I don't know, seems like sort of a classic romance trope in a way. 

Cole: They're doing something very illicit, hiding in the cargo bay, but it's actually just the most innocent [01:22:00] thing possible. One friend helping his best friend 

Lily: out.

Yeah. Shame on you, Benjamin Sisko, for thinking so little of your son. 

Cole: But what a beautiful expression on every Brooks's face when he takes this in. I mean, what are all the things happening in Sisko's mind when he realizes? 

Lily: I mean, there's guilt and shame, but then there's like extreme pride and love and.

And just this complete understanding that his son can see something in people that he doesn't. 

 He could learn to have less prejudice. Uh, Back with, Ferengina, Rom is reading Quark for a trip to the Gamma Quadrant to continue negotiations that Zek had begun there, apparently.

 Quark's 

Cole: confused because he 

Lily: hadn't heard anything about this before. He hadn't heard anything about this, but he's putting on the robe, he's grabbed the scepter, he's along for the ride. Romnin briefly asks Quark again, can I have the bar? And Quark refuses him, point blank. 

Cole: one last ask. 

Lily: Odo then spies Meherdu while Kraxenrom, Hari Quark, who is wanting to bring a dabo girl who is [01:23:00] the same dabo girl from last week, who is chatting with Red Pirate Shirt!

Talking to Red Pirate Shirt! There is! It's a callback to two characters wearing the same outfits, and look, they are having a great time, and if Red Pirate Shirt has a wife That did not seem 

Cole: We thought Red Pirate Shirt had a gambling problem. No, No, he's in Quarks for the dabo girls. He's got a dabo girl problem.

The plot thickens. 

Lily: Yeah. Does he have a wife at home? No, no, No. Maybe they're polyamorous. We don't know anything about them, but we are going to learn. 

Cole: His character grows more and more complex with each episode. It really does. Thank you, Deep Space Nine.

Lily: Thank you for this easter egg and your lack of budget 

Cole: for extras outfits. The same guy in the same shirt. So 

Lily: good. Rom and Krax convince Quark. To not bring the dabogail, because for some reason that would be unethical, but then they trap him in an airlock. 

Cole: assassination attempt two. 

Lily: Yeah, but killing dabogail's not cool, man. 

Cole: gonna kill who they need to kill. think [01:24:00] they're trying to be good Ferengi. I think so too. 

Lily: we're learning about their ethics and this is what it is.

Exactly. 

Cole: And Rom's like, I guess I'm supposed to try to steal power from my brother now. 

Lily: But then Rom taunts Quark as he begs for his life saying, Rom's nice name for a bard, don't you think? 

Cole: Shoves his nose against the glass of the airlock. 

Lily: It's kind of like a little dog. So then he goes to open the airlock, but he hesitates.

Krek says, 

Cole: you do the honors, Rom. Yeah. But there's some serious 

Lily: hesitation. Definitely hesitates. But then they're interrupted by the Grand Nagus Zek, who is actually alive! We thought you died! And it turns out that it's pretty much Odo who rescues Quark, which is very much on theme for them. 

Cole: Coming to the rescue of his bromance buddy.

He really 

Lily: does. So apparently the Nagus Zek was Quarks in a sleeping trance taught to him by, what's his name? Mayhadu. And this was all an elaborate test for his son, Krax. Apparently Krax was supposed to quietly accumulate power running [01:25:00] Quarks, this. He was supposed to just let this all happen, work at Quarks, get the power, and Let Quark make all these mistakes in the Gamma Quadrant and sort of let it all sort itself And then go and take the power from Quark? Which doesn't really make a lot of sense. I 

Cole: still argue that Zek's already going senile. Otherwise, the plot kind of falls 

Lily: apart here. Absolutely. But it is like a weird power play. And then he says about his son, Krax, it's like talking to a Klingon. But really talking to Zek is like talking to a Klingon, because I have no idea what he's saying and what makes any sense.

Cole: incidentally my favorite Zek delivery It's like talking to a Klingon. 

Lily: And he is Fazzini. Yeah, exactly. He is exactly 

Cole: himself. Never start a land war in Asia. So yeah, we get a beautiful close up of the scepter. Is that a Vietnam reference? Definitely. And a Korea reference. Jesus. It's a joke you don't get until you study American history. 

Lily: [01:26:00] Dark jokes. So we're back at Quark's and the Nagus and Quark are having a little chat. Quark Returns the special gold scepter and then Zek jokes about one day coming back and buying the bar which was Quark's initial fears. And then he finishes the scene with his patented creepy little giggle.

Yeah, which do we hear it again? I don't 

Cole: know. Probably. Well, we'll have six more chances to 

Lily: find out. It's great. And then there's a little scene between Quark and Rom where Quark admits that he actually respects Rom for his treachery. 

Cole: And isn't it wild? I mean, Quark actually has more respect for Rom because Rom was trying to be a good Ferengi by killing him.

Totally. But, Rom's actual values, aka love for his brother is throwing 

Lily: that coin on the floor to protect him. Yeah, and 

Cole: not hitting that button to push Quark out the airlock. 

Lily: Hesitation. 

Cole: and so it's, this really weird Rom inching towards self actualization. The 

Lily: ROM that we come to know and love.[01:27:00] 

And side note, the red pirate shirt is still at the dabo table in the 

Cole: background. The guy is obsessed with something or someone. 

Lily: And maybe we'll find out what, but not tonight.

And then the final scene is Jake and Nog busy arranging their next reading session. 

Cole: Enjoying some juicy Jumjah sticks. 

Lily: And then they're also creeping on some sexy Vulcan lady who definitely didn't steal their iPad, but maybe stole their hearts.

And this is multi tasking folks. Who says that men can't do it? Sisko is sort of standing in the corner and interrupts them. Jake goes over to him and Sisko. gives Jake a huge hug and a smooch and he tells Jake that he's a great boy. Yeah. And then he gives his blessing to the friendship with Nog.

Now go be with your friend. Yeah. And then he watches them go with a smile. The ending that Romeo and Juliet should have had. Nagio and Jekiat. Nagio and 

Cole: Jekiat. It's that heartbreaking moment when a parent says goodbye to their child, for them to go out [01:28:00] and find themselves in the world. 

Lily: And, do you know what? The more I watch this show, I see Avery Brooks. I see his depiction of this father son relationship. And, I see you. It's beautiful. 

Cole: this scene may be a tad schmaltzy, but it's gorgeous at the same time. No, 

Lily: I think it's nuanced.

I don't think he overdoes it. 

Cole: Ugh. So you get these, you get these two stories of families where someone 

Lily: is trying to Two households, both alike, in 

Cole: dignity. Yes! Ugh. You've got Rom and Nog. They're caught between two different expectations for how they should act and how they should think.

And they both in very small ways move closer to who they want to be. 

Cole: I was not expecting to give this much attention to this episode. Really? And you 

Lily: say that 

Cole: every week. I know, but this, 

Lily: this show just keeps delivering. It really does. 

Cole: I allowed to talk about what my friend Joe had to say it again. 

Lily: Joe I'm such a Sisko to your Jake and Nog.

Cole: Joe and I were up late last night talking about the 

Lily: [01:29:00] mafia. 

Cole: So, to Joe, The Godfather is about the development of American culture and how that was influenced by these immigrants coming in and actually them building the American dream and the American confidence and psyche.

And maybe that's even why We had these questions at the beginning of the episode. Are the Ferengi Americans? Are they immigrants? Are they both? Are they the ultimate American dream? And I think on the station here, you've got the beginnings of the beautiful swirlings of the melting pot where the Ferengi and who they are start to be integrated into the lifeblood of the station.

Lily: Wait, did you just dedicate that to Joe? I am right here. I'm sitting right here. The mother of your non existent children. 

Cole: Just finish your red wine and we'll talk. 

Lily: I'm done, baby. 

Cole: Oh, we really we better do [01:30:00] some Fashion Watch and sign off fast. 

Lily: Fashion Watch. You tell me, because you know what mine is.

I've spoiled it already. I mean, 

Cole: it's saying a lot in an episode with literally, I think over a dozen Ferengi and all their power clashing. But it's a seven foot, tall bro dressed like everyone's favorite Gen Xer at the clubs. 

Lily: Yeah. 

Cole: The purple streaks that match his fingerless gloves really seal the deal. 

Lily: You can see why Zach is clinging to him at the end of this episode.

Because everyone else is useless, and this guy 

Cole: He is mahar doing it. Yeah. Ooh. 

Lily: Prop 

Cole: watch. 

Lily: Prop watch. Prop obviously The scepter. 

Cole: Yeah. Right. I think there's a lot of strong 

Lily: contenders. 

Cole: There's a gigantic hanging fish on the promenade.

Yes. There's some clon pigs being used to shovel down tube grubs. Yes. 

Lily: Don't forget Lazy 

Cole: Susan. The Lazy Susan, the symbolic power of the baseball mitt and 

Lily: glove. What about shades in 

Cole: space? Yeah, maybe the Venetian [01:31:00] blinds in space are actually but the ultimate winner is the puppet.

Lily: The puppet, Moll Ratz in space, and we will find out what that is called. Apologies 

Cole: everyone. Let me look it up real quick. Yes, my favorite prop is the Corvengilvo. 

Lily: Corvin Gil. Yeah. Sounds like a frat boy. Yeah. 

Cole: the same. just love that. The creative powers behind the Nagus were such godfather stands.

They lovingly recreated an entire scene. It's as dorky as you and I analyzing every scene of our favorite show. God bless them. Everyone. 

Lily: Any final 

Cole: thoughts? This bonolo is just delizioso. It's mamma 

Lily: mia, 

Cole: Spicy Meatballs. Spicy Meatballs are delicioso and we are offensive, no? . Mi dispiace, 

Lily: you know what I actually do know in Italian?

Dimmi. I came up in Italian kitchens which means that when I was learning [01:32:00] to be a chef, everyone that worked in the kitchens were Italian. So I only know swear words pretty much. 

Cole: Great. Well, alright, drop a little bomb.

I mean, you, said some Australian swear words last episode. Good lord. I had to bleep you out. 

Lily: Uh.

God is a pig. 

It's more like God is meat, a piece of meat. Dio carne. 

Cole: That's, oof, makes me uncomfortable. Yeah. Mi dispiace Dio. 

Lily: know. Kekatsu. 

 Yeah, 

Cole: yeah. 

Lily: fai. 

Cole: What the dick. Yeah. 

Lily: It was mainly dick talk in my kitchens. Yeah, yeah, 

Cole: yeah. I

 My favourite is che cavolo. Oh. It means what the 

Lily: cabbage. That's That's so American of you to not even swear properly. That's like saying gosh darn it.

Yeah, well, 

Cole: it's my Italian. It's the Italian I choose to 

Lily: use. Alright, so that's good, we've done that. Can't have any of them.

We'd better 

Cole: sign off. Ciao, allora. 

Lily: Arrivederci! 

Cole: Arrivederci! No, no, No, I'm not gonna do that. Bye! Bye! [01:33:00] 

P. S. we have since confirmed the Italian hand gesture is called cavoi, or what do you want. 

Just figured you'd want to know.